So...yeah. I'm newly married and 30 and have yet to start a career. Eh. I cringed when I typed that.
What the hell happened to my life? Oh....I remember. I went to college. It's somewhat hazy. And yes, by hazy I mean the drinking. The partying. The fact that there was always a place to drink every night of the week. BUT after all that, may I add I made the Dean's List EVERY semester. And the drinking got old after a while and I finally focused on my degree. During college, I can recall telling my parents how sick I felt. I was drinking a bottle of Kaopectate every two days. Every two days I would slurp down that chalky liquid so I could function at my radio internship - 7am everyday. No fault to my parents, but they told me I was drinking too much.
I never felt so sick and so alone. I would do the internship, interview cops, go to class until 2 or 3pm and literally pass out on the couch. I usually slept until 6pm only waking up to run to the bathroom. Then I was forced to write articles...finish homework...and study for exams. I kept thinking "college is hard!" When I got back home to my parents house I continued to complain of the same symptoms. I remember being curled up in the fetal position...in SO much pain. My mom finally suggested I go to the doctor. Ding! Diagnosis Crohn's Disease.
So, I say all of that as a record to myself that I haven't been this lazy person. I need reminding of that. After my diagnosis, I was sick. I mean so sick I nicknamed my stay of being stuck in the house for 7 months as "toilet arrest." TMI, but I was going to the bathroom 40 times a day. And the medicine! I was taking 30 pills a day. I could barely choke down 10 cheerios a day without running to the bathroom, because the action of chewing activated my digestive system.
Now....I'm better. I still have unexpected bad days and no wonder I don't have a "real" big girl job. I never thought I would be 30 and no job. No career.
Today I went to staffing agencies. It's humiliating and I'll tell you why. I don't think I'm better than anyone else because I have a college degree. But, this is how the conversation went:
Secretary: Do you have reliable transportation?
Me: Yes
Secretary: Can you pass a drug test.
Me: Um....yes.
Secretary: Do you have a high school diploma?
Me: Yeah...actually I have a college degre....er...yes I have a high school diploma. So can I leave you my resume?
Secretary: Oh!!! You have a resume?? I'm putting you down for an interview at 9am on Monday.
Really?
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...if only we could see ourselves as those who love us unconditionally do...
ReplyDeleteCareer-schmareer. Look around you. Count how many ppl you know who are either a) pursuing a career related to their degree, or b) working in a "job" related to their career. It's a fasade, the college degree & "career path." A hoax. Over-rated. It took me seven years of "higher education" to land my job as a receptionist for a real estate firm. Glorious. Livin' the dream, baby.
Just sayin'... Don't be so hard on yourself. And don't let that Crohn's define who you are. -Unless it's made you someone you're proud of.
I'M proud of you. Because of your accomplishments. Not your career path. xoxo
Thank you Kurse for giving some perspective. Oh dear. Was this too poor pitiful me? I shared because I learned so much during this time of my life. (me being negative Nancy left that part out). So..having Crohn's I completed a 1/2 marathon. I thought of others with this horrible disease. The others being kids. I can't imagine a kid having this miserable illness. So yay for me...I raised $3700 for a cure! I learned how to cook - via watching the Food Network while stuck in bed. I learned to appreciate my health at 30 years old...instead of realizing it at 50. What else? I try not to sweat the small stuff because "at the end of the day" I didn't shit my pants. :)
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