Married...with socks.

I felt really smart recently. We all are aware of how the washer OR the dryer eats socks. Jeremie refers to the culprit as a gnome. I think he says this mostly to scare me. He knows how I feel about little people.
ANYways...so I have started to keep ALL the socks with no match in the bottom of the laundry basket. The husband noticed this and said, "Oh wow! Why didn't I think of that? Keeping the socks in the bottom....so that they will eventually be matched?!" Um....yeah. I just came up with that. On my own. Totally.
Honestly: I had kept the socks in a cute basket on top of the dryer...but realized that basket could be used for something else. I dumped the socks in the basket. Later, my plan was to throw those damn socks away, knowing they would NEVER be reunited with their mate. But husband didn't need to know this.
All you ladies out there....married or cohabiting, you're welcome. There will be more housewife tips to come. I'm just glad to know my time spent in high school as treasurer of Future Homemakers of America didn't go to waste.

Wake me up when...May ends

Just finished watching the second parter of Oprah's "Most Memorable Guests." James Frey was the guest. His book 'A Million Little Pieces' was/is one of my favorite books. I bought the book after it came out that he lied about half of it. I didn't care. I have never read a book that fast. I've even started to read it again. Out loud. To Jeremie. Romantic, right? Instead of reading poetry to my love, I read this guy's memoir of his drug addiction. In between James Frey's dreams of doing lines of cocaine and snorting glue, there is poetry in the middle of it all. Somehow.

Anyways....I thought it was awesome that Oprah apologized for the way she treated him on the show. He lied. He admitted it. But queen Oprah was going to make him feel more humiliated than he already did. I can't wait to see what her words do for that man's career.

So, May 25th is Oprah's last show. That got me thinking...who are we going to turn to? Who will tell us what to read, what to like, what to eat? And what to BUY!? Where will pregnant women go in hopes to go into labor without Oprah's Favorite Things show?? How will I know when it's that time of the month, because of the tears streaming down my face while watching a "I use to be fat makeover show" ? How will we live?

To be honest, I tivo Oprah everyday. And we will all miss her. But it was time for her to back out. It was like she saw me cringing every time she screamed out her guest's names...you know how she does. I got really annoyed with her eating habits. And how she hums while chewing. How many ways can you redo fried chicken? "Fried chicken!!! Fried chicken for everyone....You get fried chicken...and you and you!"...
Oh yeah, and the camping documentary because "I'm black and I've never been camping." And Gayle. Don't get me started on Gayle.

So goodbye Op. Thank God (I mean you - so easy to get you two confused) you started that other channel. I'll be watching.

You've been way-laid!

So...yeah. I'm newly married and 30 and have yet to start a career. Eh. I cringed when I typed that.

What the hell happened to my life? Oh....I remember. I went to college. It's somewhat hazy. And yes, by hazy I mean the drinking. The partying. The fact that there was always a place to drink every night of the week. BUT after all that, may I add I made the Dean's List EVERY semester. And the drinking got old after a while and I finally focused on my degree. During college, I can recall telling my parents how sick I felt. I was drinking a bottle of Kaopectate every two days. Every two days I would slurp down that chalky liquid so I could function at my radio internship - 7am everyday. No fault to my parents, but they told me I was drinking too much.

I never felt so sick and so alone. I would do the internship, interview cops, go to class until 2 or 3pm and literally pass out on the couch. I usually slept until 6pm only waking up to run to the bathroom. Then I was forced to write articles...finish homework...and study for exams. I kept thinking "college is hard!" When I got back home to my parents house I continued to complain of the same symptoms. I remember being curled up in the fetal position...in SO much pain. My mom finally suggested I go to the doctor. Ding! Diagnosis Crohn's Disease.

So, I say all of that as a record to myself that I haven't been this lazy person. I need reminding of that. After my diagnosis, I was sick. I mean so sick I nicknamed my stay of being stuck in the house for 7 months as "toilet arrest." TMI, but I was going to the bathroom 40 times a day. And the medicine! I was taking 30 pills a day. I could barely choke down 10 cheerios a day without running to the bathroom, because the action of chewing activated my digestive system.

Now....I'm better. I still have unexpected bad days and no wonder I don't have a "real" big girl job. I never thought I would be 30 and no job. No career.

Today I went to staffing agencies. It's humiliating and I'll tell you why. I don't think I'm better than anyone else because I have a college degree. But, this is how the conversation went:
Secretary: Do you have reliable transportation?
Me: Yes
Secretary: Can you pass a drug test.
Me: Um....yes.
Secretary: Do you have a high school diploma?
Me: Yeah...actually I have a college degre....er...yes I have a high school diploma. So can I leave you my resume?
Secretary: Oh!!! You have a resume?? I'm putting you down for an interview at 9am on Monday.

Really?

I see your true colors

I had no idea how stressful a wedding can be. I would love to say this is the best time of my life. But, it is not. When people tell me I should be enjoying this time, I look at them like they have two heads. I love plans. I always have. However, actually "making plans and decisions" is not my strong suit. I have realized how indecisive I am. What color linens? Purple. What type of linens? Um...pintuck. Purple linens on all the tables? Of course not? I finally told my caterer, "Look, you know what to do...do it." She told me I am the most laid back bride she has ever met. Maybe. Or maybe I am just at the "I don't care" point.

Jeremie asked me last week if I would have rather had a wedding or taken the money for the wedding. And imagine this....wait for it...I was undecided. I was never that little girl who wanted a huge wedding, which is my problem. I have no perfect idea in my head. I would be mad if I didn't have a wedding. But, is it really worth it?
What is the point of this blog? Stealing a line from a fellow outlaw, I like dogs more than people. Things you will never hear a person say to describe a dog.
1. Wow, I don't know how I feel about this dog after this wedding. His true colors are really showing.
2. That dog is so fake.
3. That dog's dress doesn't fit.
4. That dog is offended and feels left out because I don't want any help planning this wedding.
5. That dog didn't think about anyone but himself.
6. I've ignored that dog's friend request on Facebook....because clearly that dog is nosy and wants to see my wedding pictures.
7. I don't want that dog in my life.