Are you there Crohn's, It's me Imodium

Dear Crohn's,

Oh my word, where do I start? We've had some good times, Crohn's. Like that one time when I got really skinny. Everyone wanted to be me and they were dying to know my diet secret. Or that other time I wish I had bought stock in Kaopectate because I was drinking a bottle of it a week. Then there was the embarassing stomach gurgling in a quiet room. Don't forget the sprinting to the bathroom - Dumb & Dumber style. And who could forget the times when I didn't make it to the bathroom, bringing the title of this blog to life!

People are always surprised when I can tell them where every bathroom is...in every store or restaurant....anywhere. Thank you Crohn's. You make my knowledge a convenience to everyone I meet.

But let's face it...I think it's time we say adios. Although I know that's an impossible request, that is my dream. To let you go. But you are a chronic condition. So instead let's work out a deal. Let me eat brocolli. You know no one eats brocolli...it needs to be eaten and enjoyed. I love it. I love it too much apparently. The past two sleepless nights have led me to writing a letter to my disease. What??? If I can't get rid of you, can we at least work on your schedule. You are so random. Please send me your schedule listing when you might be in the area....? That would be great. That way I can put on a diaper.

Please think it over and get back to me.
Thanks.
Yours forever,
Stacy "mudbutt" Holt